Student Erased

It’s difficult to see myself as a First-Generation student. There’s no pin or tag that tells others we are First-Gens, working to make it through the year. In essence, that’s the message I’m trying to convey: our existence is often a lonely one—but it doesn’t have to stay this way.

My drawing is based on the song “Citizen Erased” by Muse. The title is what drove me to create the piece, serving as the inspiration for the reflection or “ghost” student that sits in the middle, accompanied by lyrics of the song. She symbolizes feeling unseen, blending into the background and the ordinary, like a mundane daily commute. That’s why the drawing may not come across as anything special at first: “It’s just a drawing of a trolley ride.”

However, I believe the commute itself is significant. It embodies the action of getting out there, which is crucial for all First-Gens: being the first in the generation to get an education, be it by trolley, car, bus, or walking. One way or another, we’re getting there.

The specific location seen through the windows is also important to me. When heading to UCSD, I get on the trolley at the H-Street Station. After a minute, we reach the E-Street station. Then comes a longer, rough stretch of tracks that goes over the Sweetwater River, which is what’s pictured in the drawing. To me, this part where the trolley shakes so much serves as a “point of no return.” The journey must continue—I can’t call it quits, hop off, and head back home. From that point on, the only way to go is forward to campus.

It’s easier to gloss over the outlines of the transparent student and focus on the two that are fully colored in—this is intentional. Both of them are listening to music because this project is based around a song. It’s only when reading the lines around the ghost, “hold your stage with no feelings at all,” that one sees the human in the reflection. This connects with the theme of being unseen, even when we’re around other students. We have to “hold our stage,” stand our ground so we won’t fail in a highly rigorous environment, but do so “with no feelings at all,” without standing out and even losing ourselves for the sake of focusing on academics.

Yet it doesn’t have to be this way. I’m glad that through this project, we can give First-Gens a place to share their stories and reach others just like us. This drawing is my own self-reminder to be proud of the path I’m taking. It’s also a way for me to connect with the community and leave a little piece of myself somewhere so I’m not just a Student Erased.